How Do I Tell My Coworker to Stop Giving Me Unsolicited Life Advice?

Dear Jane,

I have a coworker from hell, who also happens to be a few years older than me. I truly believe she wakes up every day with the sole purpose of giving me plenty of life advice—when I say ‘plenty I mean everything under the sun, possible to be experienced or achieved by humans. She wants me to manage my finances her ‘way’, try hobbies that she thinks would be good for me; to dole out dating experiences with her so she can tell me what I should and shouldn’t do in the dating game. I know she means well, but this is close to overbearing. I’m an introvert, but that doesn’t mean I’m clueless about life. How do I tell her, politely but firmly, to back off?

Frustrated but Capable

Image: Freepik

Oh no! This doesn’t sound good. While your coworker likely has good intentions, it’s understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and maybe even a little patronized. You surely didn’t sign up for a personal life coach; you just came to work! Let’s discuss ways to set boundaries without causing any friction in the workplace.

1. Acknowledge and Redirect

People who give unsolicited advice often believe they’re being helpful. The easiest way to set boundaries is to acknowledge their intentions while steering the conversation away. The next time she starts offering advice, try something like:

“I really appreciate you looking out for me, but I’m happy with how I’m handling things right now.”

Or

“That’s an interesting perspective! I’ve actually found a way that works really well for me.”

This approach validates her intent while making it clear you’re not looking for guidance.

2. Use Humor to Lighten the Message

If you want to avoid sounding too rude, a little humor can go a long way. The next time she gives you a tip on meal prepping, budgeting, or the best way to spend your weekends, you could say:

“Wow, you’re like my own personal TED Talk! I’ll be sure to let you know when I need some expert advice.”

Humor can make the message less confrontational while still reinforcing the idea that you’re not actively seeking advice.

3. Establish a Professional Boundary

Sometimes, the best way to get people to respect your personal space is to gently shift the focus back to work. If she starts diving into your personal life again, try saying:

“I really appreciate your insights, but I’d rather keep our conversations focused on work. I hope you understand!”

By making it about maintaining professionalism, you take the personal sting out of it.

4. Limit Your Responses and Change the Subject

If your coworker isn’t picking up on subtle cues, try keeping your responses short and neutral. Instead of engaging with her advice, respond with:

“Hmm, interesting.” or “Got it!” and then immediately pivot the conversation to something work-related.

This sends a clear but subtle message that you’re not interested in prolonging the discussion.

5. Address It Directly If It Persists

If she continues giving advice despite your best efforts to steer the conversation away, it might be time for a more direct approach. You don’t have to be harsh—just honest:

“I know you mean well, and I do appreciate it, but I’d prefer to figure some things out on my own. If I ever need advice, I promise I’ll ask!”

This sets a clear boundary while reinforcing that you don’t dislike her—you just don’t need a running commentary on your life choices.

6. Accept That Some People Won’t Change

Despite your best efforts, your coworker may still feel compelled to give you advice. If that’s the case, it may be best to let her words roll off your back. Not every battle is worth fighting, and sometimes the easiest solution is simply to nod, smile, and then move on with your day.

Navigating workplace relationships can be tricky, but setting boundaries is essential for maintaining your sanity and professional comfort. Remember, you don’t owe anyone an explanation for how you choose to live your life. A little patience, tact, and humor can help you communicate your boundaries effectively while keeping the peace in the office.

Good luck, and may your workdays be free of unsolicited life coaching!

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